siblings

I am worried. What is the future for our family, especially when abah and mama are going for Hajj for 45 days? 45 days without them nearby, the future seems black.

I know they are always fighting, cannot getting along although they are siblings by blood (not that we have others, nauzubillah), I always thought fighting is good because somehow fighting strengthen the bonds between sibling (I think so), but there are limits for everything. Too much fighting between siblings might ruin your family relationships. 

But lately, they have been fighting and it has a murderous feeling in their eyes. Like I dont need you and I hope you will be vanished from this world feeling. Or am I too sensitive? Its not like I havent done that. Well, when we were younger we always fought with each other, when it turned bad, mama gave us knives, so that we could kill each other and well....since we are pretty much alive, its a good method to stop a fight.

I have been worried not because they always fight with each other, I get that, two of them are always at odd with each other and I know they actually can get along with each other well, but I am worried because it has gotten bad especially lately and I think its going to get worse soon when abah and mama are not around. I honestly dont know what I am supposed to do. As the eldest of the siblings, I should find a way to deal with their temperament and stubbornness but I dont know anything. Maybe I should do what my mom did back then? Give them knives and they can kill each other and I dont care about that? Maybe its a good idea except it might have a backlash? They might kill each other for real.....and worse, I MIGHT KILL THEM MYSELF! 

45 days without your parents, it sounds scary when I think about that at this current situation. I am not sure if I can do a good job looking after my brothers and sisters while they are away. I hope everything will be OK, and please spare me with their arguments. I just want to help my parents and I really dont have time to deal with their stubbornness.

p/s: Can I lock them somewhere instead? Just kidding ;P

Korean drama-Dong Yi

Assalamualaikum

Last two weeks, I managed to watch 60 episodes of Saeguk drama (history-based drama), despite all stuffs with writing thesis...hehehe....Tambahan, with 60 freaking hours to complete....erghhh.....

Kalau nak tahu pasal cerita ni, silalah google atau tengok sendiri.Wiki Dong Yi (TV Series)

Drama ni basically berdasarkan real life figure Concubine Choi Dong Yi, salah seorang isteri King Sukjong (pemerintah yang ke-19) pada Joseon Dynasty. Casted by Han Hyo Joo (Choi Dong Yi), Ji Jin Hee (King Sukjong) dan lain2.

Honestly, untuk habiskan 60 episodes dalam masa 3 hari bukan senang, kalau tak kerana aku banyak lompat. Part2 boring macam perbincangan politik antara King Sukjong dan menteri2 aku banyak skip. At least daripada 60 minutes dapat kurang kepada 30 minutes. Hehe....

Aku tak nak cerita pasal jalan cerita, boleh google je....just nak comment sedikit pasal drama ni. Firstly, disebabkan cerita inilah Im turning into Saeguk lover. Before Dong Yi, pernah tengok Sungkyukwan Scandal, Rooftop Prince dan Princess Man, tapi tengok je, part history buat tak kisah. Tapi lepas tengok Dong Yi, memang habis-habisan google pasal King Sukjong serta isteri2. Secondly, lagu yang sangat syahdu. Walking in a dreamy road by Jang Nara. Somehow her voice fits perfectly, with sorrowful melody and lyrics, it just PERFECT! Thirdly, costume serta istana yang cantik!

Finally, of course our main pairing, King Sukjong and Dong Yi. Despite her status as a slave, King Sukjong cant help but to fall in love with a very hardworking and honest girl like Dong Yi and also offer her to become a Queen. Or so what the drama showed. Did I mentioned, I had withdrawal syndrome? A syndrome where you cannot get over something and in my case, its Dong Yi. Its been two weeks, and I keep playing the OST and I did watched some scenes from the drama. Not to mention I read all recaps, wikipedia or anything about Dong Yi, fictional and real life. *sigh* I guess I can graduate with thesis entitled "Korean History, Dong Yi: Truth or Fictional?"

This curiosity of mine, made me read everything I can read about them (Dong Yi, King Sukjong, queens and concubines). The more I read the more frustrated I become. Dalam drama ni, Dong Yi digambarkan sebagai seorang wanita yang paling disayangi oleh King Sukjong, of course after King Sukjong realized Jang Hui Bin's ambitions and greed (King Sukjong's another concubine). Dong Yi even refused to become a queen for the sake of the Crown Prince (Jang Hui Bin's son) and Prince Yeon Ing (Dong Yi's son). Tapi most blogs mentioned yang King Sukjong had another concubine after Dong Yi, and he even evicted Dong Yi out of palace although no reason recorded in history (not sure kalau ada). This frustration came from the fact that King Sukjong doesnt love Dong Yi the way he showed in the drama. Of course drama is drama, what did you expect from something that human create and a twist of history? But still.....I kinda get hooked up with Ji Jin Hee's character as King Sukjong. His love towards Dong Yi is or was so great that he even suggested to run away with Dong Yi because everyone around him cannot accept Dong Yi as she came from a slave status. Thats why history and drama shouldnt be mixed. A crazy drama lover like me, cannot accept the reality. *sighs*

And now here I am, cannot accept anything yet cannot get over with it...

I guess if you want to know the truth you have to summon the death, LOL....

Nak sangat tahu kenapa King Sukjong ada concubine lain selain Dong Yi. Nak sangat tahu kenapa Dong Yi diperintah keluar istana sedangkan at that time concubine kena tinggal dalam istana, kecuali selepas King mati. Nak sangat tahu betul ke Prince Yeon Ing bukanlah anak kesayangan King Sukjong, tidak seperti yang digambarkan dalam drama?

Everything feels so frustrated since dalam drama, the best moments bila Dong Yi ada dengan King Sukjong. Eventhough they are just talking or walking or solving cases, everything seems so heartwarming, sweet. Then bila read those posts (which I dont know if its the truth or not), but still.....rasa kecewa. Maybe I expect too much from King Sukjong? hahaha.....

Well, hopefully I can recover from this withdrawal syndrome soon, or else Im gonna be a shut in forever. LOL. Drama, drama jugak. Writing tetap kena teruskan *sigh*

p/s: bila writing, tengok WORDS 5 minutes, lagha 5 jam. Bila nak siap?
Maybe I should change major? Korean history anyone?

making decisions

Assalamualaikum...

Lately, actually not lately la. Its been a few years already, everytime I had to make a decision (let say, something for the future), after so much considerations, when I thought it was the best for me, there always some kind of thought or whisper or hunch or whatsoever, saying that "I know Im gonna regret my decision, but it was for the best". Everytime I am making decisions, that sentences keep popping inside my head.

Oh what to do......

p/s: Lack of courage perhaps?

yang hilang.....

Assalamualaikum

Masa tengah tengok Detective Conan The Movie 15:Quarter of Silence, terperasan satu character ni, pakai badge "SP". Peminat Jdorama macam aku mesti perasan "SP" ni apa. SP ni ialah Security Police, ala-ala bodyguard kepada VVIP. So bila ternampak pasal SP tu, teringat pasal harddisk yang ada drama SP lakonan Okada Junichi. nak tahu pasal cerita tu silalah google ea. Yang pasti, cerita ni penuh dengan action and Okada Junnichi mecha kakkoii ^^

Berbalik kepada harddisk tadi, tak silap awal tahun lepas, 500GB harddisk aku masuk virus dan tak dapat diselamatkan. Maka hilanglah segala treasures yang selama ni aku kumpul, especially yang paling aku sayang, JDrama. Ni disebabkan dekat kolej tak ramai peminat jdrama, kpop ramai la. So sumber jdrama memang sangat terhad.

Antara jdrama yang hilang, yang aku sangat suka ulang tengok termasuklah;
1) Security Police (SP)
2) Tantei Gakuen Q
3) Liar Game (Season 1, 2, movie)
4) Detective Conan live adaptation
5) Yasuko to Kenji
6) Atashinchi no danshi
7) Iryu
8) Risou no musuko
9) Bloody Monday
10) Hayami-san to yobareru hi (yang ni x sampai seminggu download)
11) Zettai Kareshi
12) Hana yori dango
13) dan banyak lagi sampai dah tak ingat, termasuklah anime

Sebahagian portion HD aku ada kpop nyer stuff macam Running Man, Family Outing, We Got Married season 1 pastu a few dramas. Yang lain x berapa sedih hilang sebab ada banyak sumber except We Got Married season 1. Itu memang rare kalau orang ada. Sayangnya sampai sekarang aku x jumpa orang yang ada WGM season 1.

Of course, the greatest regret sebab hilang jdrama. Almost 2 tahun kumpul, HD dah hampir penuh, dalam sekelip mata ia hilang. Tapi, x pelah, redha je la. Mungkin ada lah hikmahnya yang aku x nampak.

Walau apapun, aku masih berusaha kumpul balik cerita-cerita yang aku ada since kadang-kadang aku suka tengok balik, especially kalau action....hehehe.....

p/s: Kena beli HD baru, satu HD untuk daijina JDrama, satu lagi untuk Kdrama =D

suka suki

Last time aku pernah buat personality test ni. So this time aku buat balik, somehow banyak yang dah berubah.

Here....


Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

p/s: this is just for fun ^^ boleh try buat kat sini
      dan.....ada yang x betul pun

exaggerate is my middle name ;P

Assalamualaikum

Petang tadi baru selesai diskus data dengan Prof dan Dr (both are my supervisors-and they are husband and wife). Everytime Dr (my main sv) cakap Prof ada sama, rasa takut nak jumpa datang. EVERYTIME! No kidding! Prof bagi aura orang serius, and of course I respect him a lot since dia expert dalam polymer ni.

Supposedly petang tadi aku kena present slide untuk coming conference kat Penang, but aku bagitahu Dr boleh postpone presentation x, sebab kalau boleh hari ni nak discuss data yang aku baru siapkan. Dr said OK and dia cakap if petang ni ada masa kita present terus je la.

So bermulala episode meroyanku. Dalam masa dua hari ni, aku stay aje kat bilik, siapkan calculations bagai, siapkan slide sambil baca balik journals yang dah lama x baca. Hehehe....Masa tengah buat slide, aku plotla graph nak tengok pattern....suprisingly graph aku x ada pattern! kejap naik, pastu turun, pastu naik balik! apa jadi?!!! Dengan perasaan yang cemas, gelabah dan panik, apa lagi, habis semua journals dibelek, tengok kalau previous researchers dapat pattern pelik macam aku. Of course, memang x ada! Im the only one with the weird data.

Jadi dalam masa dua hari ni, memang kerja aku cari reasons kenapa aku x dapat result yang diharapkan. Faham-faham aje la, its impossible. Dalam journal semua nak cantik. Rasa stress, serabut semua benda negatif start menggoda aku. Macam-macam dah fikir. "im not a good student la", "mesti prof dengan dr kecewa dengan akula", "im not suited to do researchla" dan banyak lagi yang x dapat nak ditulis. Siap meroyan kat twitter! Aku ada dua twitter acc, dua2 meroyan kat situ. even dekat fandom *sighs*

Then Dr message cakap meeting postpone pukul 4 (kitaorang sepatutnya jumpa at 3). Bayangkan, aku dahla resah, x tenang jiwa, pastu Dr message kena tunda lagi sejam! Oh MY! Im going craaayyyyyzeeee......Rasa kepala nak meletop dengan pelbagai assumptions!

Then, sampai pada masa yang dijanjikan, Prof tengok data, the prof agak hairan kenapa data aku pelik. Bak kata orang, "tergerak hati" nak sebut "dua data ni menggunakan method yang berbeza". Allah gerakkan hati aku untuk explain! Pastu Prof dengan muka yang....ummm.....faham(?)....Prof sebut "I see.....Patutla". At that moment aku rasa burden aku dah terbang melayang-melayang. No more negative assumptions semua! Oh thank you Allah!

Seriously before ni aku tak terfikir langsung, pasal aku compilekan sekali data yang menggunakan method yang berbeza. Actually aku nak buat comparison, tapi since the first method tak siap sepenuhnya lagi, dan aku terus sekalikan kedua-dua data, tu yang jadi weird. huhuhuhu......my bad! And lastly discussion kami ended smoothly. Dan aku balik dengan hati yang gembira.

Aigoo~~~

Masa driving tadi, tiba-tiba terasa macam, walaupun kecil tapi aku rasa gembira! rasa macam dah lama x segembira macam ni.

Apa-apa pun, lets keep fighting! Lagi dua minggu nak present dekat Penang! x boleh berjimba sangat! Ganbatte!

p/s: I need a rest!

small reunion

Assalamualaikum ^^

Hari Sabtu yg lepas, tanpa dirancang aku dapat jumpa salah seorang my closest friend dekat MRSMKT dulu, Ain. Actually, ianya berlaku secara kebetulan, bila aku ternampak tweet Ain yang mengatakan dia berada di Skudai, sambil jalan2 dekat USS. So lepas exchange few tweets, kitaorang decided nak jumpa. After I picked up Ain dekat kolej, kitaorang decided nak lepak dekat Meranti je since dia da makan, and aku pun still kenyang lagi.

Bila da berjumpa, macam-macam la yang kitaorang borakkan. Daripada nama cikgu sampailah kepada hal ehwal semasa. Yang kelakarnya, honestly kitaorang da tak berapa ingat nama cikgu-cikgu. Memang struggle jugakla malam tu kasik ingat. Hehehe....

Seronok sebenarnya jumpa kawan yang dah lima tahun tak bertemu. LIMA TAHUN! wow!!! Last time jumpa ambil result spm, tapi kejap sangat. Lepas tu masing-masing bawak hal sendiri. Bila dah jumpa Ain, rasa rindu dekat kawan-kawan makin membuak-membuak.

Teringat masa dekat MRSMKT, kitaorang dulu bertujuh. Me, Ain, Intan, Elly, Una, Mia and Amani. Kitaorang selalu lepak sama-sama, makan sama-sama. Kesimpulannya bersama-samalah. Segala benda kitaorang share, even sape crush kitaorang dulu. Hehe....Kalau korang nak taw, I still ingat lagi sape suka kat sape....hehehe.....

After 5 years, kitaorang belum berkesempatan nak berkumpul beramai-ramai. I hope someday kita semua dapat berkumpul ramai-ramai. Buat small gathering. Mesti seronok dan happening!

Me and Ain =D

p/s: Miss you friends =D

Japan, I miss u

Assalamualaikum ^^

Lately, keinginan nak pergi Jepun makin membuak-buak. Sape2 yang kenal I, memang tawla I memang hardcore Jpop (please and please and please, jgn tertukar Jpop and Kpop, they are different!) hehehe....memang dah pernah jejak dekat Osaka, tapi rasa x puas. Rasa macam x explore habis, since pergi untuk university visit, bukan country visit. LOL.

Tapi, semenjak tengok Rurouni Kenshin (live adaptation movie, anime, manga) perasaan tu makin membuak-buak especially sebab Rurouni Kenshin ni era samurai, rasa classic/cultural tu sangat kuat. errr......apa yang I membebel ni? im confuse @.@"

Anyways, since tengok RK, rasa tarikan culture dia tu kuat. Tu yang buat I nak sangat pergi sana! So tadi after lunch menggedik bukak MAS dengan Firefly, check harga flight. Pheww.....MAS memang mahal. Tapi berbaloi naik. AirAsia murahla, almost half dari tambang MAS, tapi....um...you know la ek.

But then, walaupun harga flight murah, and I nak pergi time winter since I suka sejuk, memang tengah berkira la jugak. Again.....satu kata keramat bermain dalam kepala. NO MONEY NO TALK. LOL.....yeah.....budget agak tight, dengan real life lagi, dengan fandom lagi. upps!!! so.......i might need to reconsider. Maybe kena pergi winter next year, if belom kawin la ;P

Apa-apa pun, nanti bila nak pergi, I want to travel dekat rural area. If Osaka, then kawasan kampung dekat Osaka. If Tokyo, then kawasan kampung dekat Tokyo. xperlu kampung sangat, cukupla dapat tengok kawasan2 perumahan dekat situ.selalu bila tengok Jdrama, dorang buat dalam rumah, design dia quite nice and simple. Me likey ^^ And then, kalau ada duit lebih, nak jejak Kyoto! Actually this is a must! Tempat ni tempat asal Kenshin (my samurai boyfie ;p) hehehe......so nak jugak feel era samurai, around 1867 camtu. If ada la. Probably kena cari dojo mana2, kalau dorang bukak untuk public.

So, start saving from now. Susah since perbelanjaan tu tinggi. Well, nak satu benda ni, kena sacrifice benda lain kan. Start dari sekarang, kena review budget, jangan spend emotionally..hohoho. And pray for me ea, so that this dream of mine akan tercapai, SOON!

p/s: Kame Nippon matte yo!